skit

Drunk Driving
By: Tom, Jose, and Jon
Characters:
OFFICER DANIELS - Age 25, dressed in a police uniform, enjoys messing with people while on the job.
OFFICER KRUPKE – Age 27, dressed in police uniform, has a playful personality.
JOSE CUERVO – Age 22, has been pulled over for reckless driving. He has been drinking.

Setting:
Takes place along the side of a highway. It is night time and it is dark outside. A car is pulled over by 2 police officers. The driver of the vehicle is holding an unknown bottle in a brown paper bag. Jose was at a party and he is driving home while drunk. He swerves on the highway as two police officers decide to pull him over and check him out.

OFFICER DANIELS: License and registration please.
JOSE CUERVO: (Handing over the papers.) What seems to be the officer problem?
OFFICER KRUPKE: (Looks at the driver, and then smirks at Officer Daniels) Do you know why we pulled you over?
JOSE CUERVO: I have no idea why…
OFFICER DANIELS: (Interrupts) Jose Cuervo? Is this license real?
OFFICER KRUPKE: License and registration please.
JOSE CUERVO: (Searches the car unknowingly what is going on) I don’t have it! It was here just a second ago!
OFFICER DANIELS: (pretends to talk into the radio) We have a code 7, an unlicensed driver and what seems to be a stolen vehicle.
JOSE CUERVO: (Hastily continues to search vehicle) I swear I have it! I just can’t find it.
OFFICER KRUPKE: Please step out of the vehicle.
JOSE CUERVO: Yeah, sure. Hold on. (Stumbles out of the car)
OFFICER DANIELS: Sir, walk a straight line towards me please.
JOSE CUERVO: Okie dokey (Wobbles to the back of the car)
OFFICER KRUPKE: How much did you drink tonight?
JOSE CUERVO: Yes.
OFFICER DANIELS: Can you say the alphabet backwards for me please?
JOSE CUERVO: 10, 9, 8, 5, uhh…Q, Z…
OFFICER DANIELS: Sir, the alphabet please.
JOSE CUERVO: I can’t even do that when I am sober. So that’s not fair.
OFFICER KRUPKE: Okay, since that’s not fair, how about you touch your nose with your finger.
JOSE CUERVO: Are you trying to kill me?! That’s unpossible!
OFFICER DANIELS: Sir, step out of the car for me please.
JOSE CUERVO: Wait, where am I? I though I was…
OFFICER KRUPKE: (interrupting) Sir, have you been drinking tonight?
JOSE CUERVO: Well, not too much, but I… (Takes a drink from a bottle)
OFFICER DANIELS: Sir, walk in this straight line for me.
JOSE CUERVO: (Hands him the bottle) Sure, can you hold this for me?
OFFICER DANIELS: Sure. (Takes a sip from that bottle)
JOSE CUERVO: Hey that’s mine!
OFFICER KRUPKE: I think you had enough for tonight.
OFFICER DANIELS: I thought that I told you to walk a straight line.
JOSE CUERVO: Oh yeah, that’s right. Okay, here I go. (Jose begins to walk the line as he starts to wobble and can’t hold himself up. Jose stumbles and falls to the ground.)
OFFICER DANIELS: Hey buddy, are you okay?
OFFICER KRUPKE: Yeah, you took quite a spill there.
JOSE CUERVO: Wait! Who spilled my drink?!
OFFICER KRUPKE: Sir, you fell on the ground.
JOSE CUERVO: Yeah, but not until the end. So how’d I do?
OFFICER DANIELS: Well actually, you won!
JOSE CUERVO: What did I win?!
OFFICER KRUPKE: You won a free trip.
JOSE CUERVO: Yeah!
OFFICER KRUPKE: So if you will just come with us. We will escort you to the back of our car.
JOSE CUERVO: Well ok. Where are we going though?
OFFICER DANIELS: It’s a surprise. So you’re just going to have to come with us and find out.
JOSE CUERVO: What are we waiting for? Let’s go.
The two officers escort Jose to the back of their patrol car. Jose joyfully slips into the backseat of the car. The cops laugh at Jose as he falls into the car. The two cops wait outside of the car for a little bit, and talk to each other.
OFFICER DANIELS: So what are we going to do with this guy?
OFFICER KRUPKE: I think that we had enough fun for tonight.
OFFICER DANIELS: Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s just take him to the station and let him sleep it off. We’ll let him go when he wakes up in the morning.
JOSE CUERVO: Will you guys hurry up?
OFFICER DANIELS: I’ll drive his car back to the station and you can drive the patrol car.
JOSE CUERVO: (Starts to sing in the background.) ♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea. ♪
OFFICER KRUPKE: What is he doing?
JOSE CUERVO: (Jose continues to sing.) ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
OFFICER DANIELS: I have no idea.
OFFICER KRUPKE: Let’s hurry up and get him back to the station then.
OFFICER DANIELS: Good idea. Let’s go.
The two officers begin to leave. Officer Krupke gets into the patrol car and starts it up. Officer Daniels gets into Jose’s car, finds the keys still hanging from the ignition, and starts up the car. Officer Daniels follows Officer Krupke back to the station.
JOSE CUERVO: Hey, can you turn on your sirens? That would be so cool!
OFFICER KRUPKE: No, I’m sorry. I can’t do that unless it’s an emergency.
JOSE CUERVO: (Sits back in his seat.) I thought that I was a winner.
OFFICER KRUPKE: I can’t, I’m sorry.
JOSE CUERVO: (Pretending to make a siren noise.) Wee-woo, wee-woo, wee-woo.
OFFICER KRUPKE: (Laughs to himself under his breath.)
The two cars finally reach the police station. Jose is passed out in the back of the police car by the time they get there. So the two officers end up having to drag Jose to the holding cell that they going to let him sleep in for the night. Jose will be charged with reckless driving and driving under the influence when he wakes up in the morning.